Farting In Church

I love my husband dearly, but sometimes he doesn't smell so good.  Brent earned a reputation for farting early in life, long before I met him.  He's quite talented in this department and can usually rip them on command.  They are also quite ripe.  His family will attest to this.  And sometimes he's kinda sneaky about it.  I'll tell you a story.

Once upon a time when Brent was growing up (I don't know how old he was, probably early teenage years.), he was sitting in Sacrament meeting with his mom and younger brother, Jimmy.  (I don't know where the rest of the family was on this particular day of worship, it was just the three of them with Karen sitting between the two boys.)  Anyway, at some point during the meeting, Brent soundlessly rips one.  A really bad one.  When the stench began to permeate, Brent looked at his mom and said, "Mom!",  and quickly moved to the end of the bench.  Jimmy then got a whiff, and not realizing who the culprit was, but totally realizing the direction from where the smell came,  looked at his mom and said, "Mom!",  and moved the other end of the bench.  By this time the smell had wafted to the nostrils of the family sitting behind them and Karen overheard the mom ask her very young daughter if she's done that.  The little girl said, "Yes, but it was only a little one."

Let's fast-forward to yesterday.  There we, the Suisses', are, sitting in Sacrament meeting, during the sacrament and for once, everyone seems to be behaving.  At least that's what I thought.  Every few seconds I'd get a whiff of something unpleasant.  At first I suspected Maya but realized it just wasn't her brand.  I then realized it was Brent and I sent him a really dirty look.  He giggled.  After that he seemed to be able to hold it in for the remainder of the Sacrament.  But then things got really stinky.

Brent is the ward clerk and one of his responsibilities is to stand and pace the the aisles in the chapel counting those in attendance.  As the Young Men returned to sit with their families, Brent stood to start counting and I just about choked.  Everything his butt had been holding in to the cushion on the bench now had nothing with which to restrain it.

After about a minute, maybe less, Damon, who was sitting next to me, looks at me, covers his nose with his tie and says, "You stink!"  Seconds pass and Brittany, who was sitting next to Damon, looks past him to me and says, "Mom!  You stink!"  She then covered her nose with her hair.

It seems Brooklyn was the only one spared, as she was sitting on the other side of Brittany.  Maya didn't seem to notice either, or didn't care.  There is little doubt in my mind that the families sitting in front of and behind us suffered as well.