End of an Era

My life changed at 8:30 this morning. My life, as I've known it for the past 10 years, is no longer. Every day for the past decade I've had at least one little one with me for most of the day but at 8:30 this morning by baby got on the bus and officially became a kindergartner. Gone are the baby days. Gone are the days of toddlerhood (is that a word?). The days of running preschoolers back and forth are history. I am now a mom with three school-aged kids.

When I think back to five years ago, I thought this day would never come and oh how longed for it. Even three years ago, I couldn't wait for this day. Thinking back to just one year ago, I was excited for this day. But let me tell ya, over the past few months and especially the last few weeks I've wished that I could pause time. Just for a little while.

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Damon attended an orientation yesterday. It was only one hour spent in his classroom with his teacher and only half of the kids in his class. Parents stayed and participated. As I watched Damon sit on the rug listening to his teacher and she asked the kids to raise their hands for this or that, and as Damon would turn back to look at me for reassurance before he raised his hand, I had thoughts of keeping him home for one more year. I was really tempted for a few seconds. I know he's ready for school, I'm just not ready for him to be ready.

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Damon's teacher has animals in her classroom. Some of the current residents include Monarch caterpillars. The teacher encouraged the kids to look for caterpillars and bring them to school over the next few weeks so the kids can watch them change into butterflies. Brent took Damon out last night on a caterpillar hunt. Brent didn't really think they'd find anything but they found two. Damon found one on his own and he was so excited when he saw it. Brent said he just stood there pointing at a leaf with his mouth open, saying "Oh! Oh! Ooohh!" (The caterpillars are kinda hard to see in the picture, but they're there!)

After the orientation I walked Damon to the front doors of the school and asked him if he could find his way to his classroom by himself. He was sure he could and insisted I stay put while he walked by himself. He returned a few minutes later, mission accomplished.

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The other day I was asking Damon if he was excited to start school. He said yes but his demeanor was a bit solemn. I asked what was the matter and he got a little emotional and said, "I just don't want to be away from you for that long." I had to fight to keep my own emotions in check. I can not express how grateful and I am that I made the decision to stay home with my kids last fall rather than returning to work. (If you want to read that post click here.) I've learned how precious these tender years are and how fast they fly. I'm so glad I chose to spend my time with my kids instead of on a payroll.

So today, Damon got up and ready for school alongside his sisters. Then it was his turn for pictures.

At the bus stop with Brooky.

I took this picture just for fun. We have about a million kids at our bus stop.

After the kids were on the bus and the bus drove away my emotions started to surface. As I was talking with some of the other moms that were lingering, one suggested maybe we could add a "caboose" to our family in a couple of years. I assured her that wasn't what I wanted. I don't feel like I need a replacement, its not like I don't want to be alone. Its just that this chapter in my life has closed, it is the end of an era. I've been pretty comfortable lately and change is not always easy. Its time for new things, a new chapter of my life begins now. Its hard to put these feelings into words so I don't know if this has made any sense, but it makes sense to me. Anyway, I went into the house and cried for a few minutes, mourning the past. Then I pulled myself together and got on with my day. I will admit, I enjoyed the three hours of peace and silence and the privilege of being able to stick to a task without having to stop to get someone a drink or tie a shoe or change the channel. I had a productive morning, more than usual. But I tell ya, I was out waiting anxiously for that bus when it was time for the kindergartners to come home.